Today I am a little girl. | I put my wellines on | walk through puddles | and play invisible.
Today I don’t care about grown up things. And I don’t care that they say: | You are so small. | Because today I am so so small.
Today I leave my hair in a mess and I don’t think what you think of me because | Today I am a little girl | you are so stupid | today I don’t care about you.
Today I am again | playing hide and seek by myself | And maybe tomorrow I’ll find myself. | But today I am small.
A small thing and it’s small thoughts.
So small that there’s no room for anything else in it’s head that to itself.
One.
Where did you go? | Wait for me, | I’ll come with you! | can you hear me? |
Two.
I miss you.
Three.
Can I miss you? | And do you miss me?
Four.
Do you ever wonder, what am I doing? | I wonder all the time… | …what are you doing… | …And with who. | No. | I’m not going to ask.
Five.
Because if I ask… | …Are you coming back.. | Then I start to doubt that you’re not. | ..Or.. | …That have you ever really… | Been here.
Six.
I’m angry.
Seven.
I’m so angry at myself. | I’m just waiting. | Waiting… | …I want to go away.
Eight.
I want to go away from my thoughts. | Away from here. | Just anywhere. | Away.
Nine.
Away. | Away. | Away. | Away.
Ten.
But… | …What will… | remain of me…. | …then?
Eleven.
Remain?
Twelve.
Thirteen.
Fourteen.
Fifteen.
Sixteen.
No.
Seventeen.
Eighteen.
Nineteen.
You…
Twenty.
Why did you have to go? | Or… | Yes, I know | I’m sure you didn’t even know you where leaving.
Twenty-one.
I’m sure you didn’t even know I would miss you. | And I’m not complaining. | I’m just making observations. | Just saying thing aloud. | Just saying..
Twenty-two.
Where was I?
Twenty-three.
Oh, right…
NOW I maybe UNDERSTOOD | UNDERSTOOD so m ethi ng | about myself. | BUT | but? | WHAT i f | This time | I DON’T HAVE any buts? | What if I’m finally free? | NOW. | Maybe. | (BUT).
46. I can’t really explane my opinions, and it’s difficult for me to say what I think anyway. | I think the movie was good because… | Well, it was good. | Maybe that’s why I do comics. I can express myself more freely by drawing than speaking.
47. I’ve recieved three grants now… One for the comic maker’s guide, the other for preparing my next album… | And now I’m going to get a third one for the same album! | How exciting! | 48. I’m not used to be by myself. I ENJOY it very much, but I still need to rely too much to other people. | Tell me what I should do! | I don’t know!
I can’t never decide anything! (I’m a typical libra). | What if | Maybe | but | In the other hand | Yes | No | 49. I can’t say R right. Now days it’s just so, and I don’t stress about it so much… | Mari say R | Say your name! |…But it’s still a bit sore spot for me.
Kiitos Tuukalle asiasta 50. | Thank you Tuukka for the 50th thing.
50 things… |41. I used to dance and also did some boxing… | ..Now days I go jogging. SOMETIMES. | 42. I couldn’t use high heels before, now somedays I prefer those instead of flat ones. (my shoe size is ab. 38). | 43. I like to take the tube. I’ve been able to draw so much now when it takes ab. 20 mins by metro for me to go home.
44. Now days I usually dress in black completely… | Maybe it’s some face that will pass… | …Although I do own colored clothes also. | 45. I use a mooncup. And I recomend it!!
Now | Now | Now. | I’m cold. | Now I | Now I will stop. | And fix. | I will fix myself.
36. I have big talks and I always feel need to show that I can do anything. | Oh 50 000 words? well, I’m writing 100 000! | Oh I can’t lift that table? Like hell I can’t! | Oh what do you mean I can’t jump to the moon? I’ll show you! | One friend called it Napoleon complex… I’d call it just being stupid.
37. I’d so would want somebody to take care of me… | Are you sure you’re alright? | I can do it for you if it feels difficult | You don’t have to do it if you don’t feel like it. | would you just fuck off!! | …But I hate it so much if somebody is just talking down on me or patronising me. | 38. I do LOTS of grammar mis takes. | Did you mean: ”grammar mistakes”? | Well, yes I did! | Sorry.
39. I can’t consentrate on one thing for more than 5 minutes, and I often have many things in works at the same time. | 40. Our flat is full of fruit flies. | Could somebody please tell me how to get rid of these!?
50 things… | 31. This weekend, I was in Turku for the Necrocomicon for the first time… | What?! Cider 2,50 euros?! | You have a nice nose | giggle | Do you really like Kaija Koo’s music?? | ummm… yes…? | Um we don’t have a place to sleep. | well, I have a hotel room— | ok, let’s go. | We ended up at Hesburger hotel to a room of one guy from Tampere.
32. YES, I really like Kaija Koo. | And better not come and give me shit about that, I know you listen to Kari Tapio or something else like that. | I have a very, very broad music taste. | 33. I’ve never felt like a ”cool” person… | (who even uses the word cool anymore?!) | (Has anyone ever used it??) | But I can’t say this… | But I can’t wear this dress | I wonder what colors are IN now…? | but what does he think of me? | …But I always think, how I could be, and what others think of me.
34. I hate, HATE being responsible from anything, specially if I have to be responsible from other people. | Where is she!? | I just wan’t to have fun! | What do you mean I should have found a place for us to stay?! |…Still, I always make everything as my business and worry about everything. | 35. I still feel like I’m more a girl and not a woman… | Miss, can I see some ID’s? | Yea, yea | …Maybe it shows, becouse I’m ALWAYS asked to show my ID’s EVERYWHERE I go.
26. I often take my time thinking what I should wear… | Are these socks nice? | And what badges should I wear today? | … Because it’s FUN.
27. If I can, I always sleep late. I could sleep always and always and always if my conscience would just let me do that… Because sleeping is also fun.
28. My favorit computer games has been Rayman and Tony Hawk… | Haa! double combo! | Get up for f**ck sake! | (I’ve never really played so much computer games). | 29. I’m always afraid I’ll experience something supernatural… But I’ve never really experienced anything like that (am I dissapointed or what?)
30. well actually: One night I woke up to a weard scary singing… And I couldn’t move at all. (Don’t know what that was, maybe something supernatural, who knows).